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Excerpt from Section Two

This expression has been repeated since the beginning of time. It’s a statement of frustration. In your eyes, you are coffee and we are cream. In our eyes, we are fruit and you are nuts—and sometimes you’re a marshmallow. Often the mystery of why we think differently from you about the same things poses a huge problem for you. Our thought process puzzles you. In much the same way, we find ourselves perplexed and frequently baffled by the things you say and the things you leave undone. To us, you are as fascinating as you are frustrating. Time and again, we are amazed by the choices you make.

In the 1964 movie My Fair Lady, Rex Harrison’s Professor Henry Higgins sings the words, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” about Audrey Hepburn’s Eliza Doolittle. He’s actually asking, “Why can’t a woman recognize my superiority?” His enormous irritation with her femininity hides his inability to be who he really is—a man whose self-esteem is based entirely in his superiority. He’s a successful man who lives completely in his head and considers women to be easily manipulated and controlled. She proves him wrong, and this drives him crazy.

Do you have a woman in your life who’s driving you crazy?

As a counselor, I receive a huge blessing because men pay to talk with me. I get to see an image of you that many women would love to experience. I hear deep dark secrets, insecurities, dreams, ambitions and intimate details about your sex life. This does not make me an expert on men, it makes me a woman who respects and appreciates your efforts and your vulnerabilities. Some of you have been married for a while, some are single and cohabitating and some are single and live alone.

You need to be listened to when you are experiencing a dilemma and have exhausted all other possibilities for a resolution. When you come to my office, you are often apologetic and nervous because you never thought you would find yourself in a situation like this. You express anger, disbelief, confusion and guilt. Most often, you see yourself as inadequate and you are embarrassed that you can’t solve your own problems.

You are a good man and you don’t always know it. So you ask, “What makes her act the way she does?” You are relieved to hear that you are not alone. Many men face the same challenges.

Contact Evelyn Leite

Evelyn Leite
PO Box 9702
Rapid City, SD 57709

Living With Solutions

Living with Solutions was developed in 1989 by Evelyn Leite, MHR, LPC, to provide self-help opportunities, trainings and workshops for addicts and their families. Learn more now at